300: MARCH TO GLORY / Warner Bros. / PSP
I didn't exactly have high hopes for this one coming into it, but my lone hope was that maybe they'd go in a Dynasty Warriors type of direction with it, adding a bit of strategy to the mix as you marshal your 300 through the Persian hordes. Of course, that didn't happen at all. It's a generic linear hacky-slashy thing, alternating between boring clumsy beat-em-up portions and frustratingly clunky "phalanx" portions.

The game is low-budget, ugly, and clunky. There's no sense of the epic battles of the movie, as you're lucky to see maybe six of your fellow Spartans on-screen maximum, along with maybe five to ten generic mooks. And anything over ten total characters slows the game down a bit anyway. All the Spartans also share the same generic character model, and limited pre-scripted actions, as well as the enemies, who have just a handful of different types that are endlessly copypasta'd.

All the game has to offer up in return for its uninspired boring gameplay is buckets of blood - corpses piled up everywhere in the background, random decapitations and dismemberments, etc. If that doesn't do anything for you then there's literally nothing on offer here but shit gameplay. To me the most entertaining moment was when you lose during one of the "phalanx" portions, and all of your men simultaneously collapse with the exact same animation like they just had a choreographed mass heart attack out of nowhere. Outside of that, though, pretty much zero entertainment value. It's your standard rushed, low-budget movie license that gives no fucks about quality, just looking to cash in as much as possible on the movie. "Tuck tail" if you see it coming.
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